For the last 3 and 1/2 years I have dedicated myself to eat right, exercise and try my hardest to be a healthy and happy ME. I have worked with three personal trainers, tracked my food, used a body bugg, raced in 5 half marathons, a number of 5k, 10k and 15k races, ran 18.5 miles for my relay team, worked out almost every morning in an intense bootcamp class for 7 months. You would think I would be at my goal weight, but no, I am almost back to what I weighed when Nahvi was born 5 years ago. If you added up all the weight I have lost and then gained back again, we are talking at least 150 lbs, maybe more. I feel like I am swimming up a really intense river with lots of rocks, mud and rapids and when I stop to hold onto a branch just so I can catch my breathe it snaps and I get washed down the river back to my starting point. I am so sick of swimming up this endless river that is doing nothing for me but weighing me down, making me waterlogged, making me tired.
So I decided to go into my Doctor last week to figure out what the heck is wrong with me because I am sorry, something is not right. I gain weight for no reason. I can't remember anything lately. I don't feel like myself. I cut a lady off on the road the other day because she wouldn't let me over and didn't even care, not one ounce of guilt. When people ask me questions, I can't give them the answer because I can't think straight. I AM A MESS!
My Doctor ordered 10+ blood tests to see if we could figure it out. We also remembered I have a tumor on my pituitary gland and I should be on medicine for that but he wanted to do a blood test for that again to see what my levels are like now. I went in on Monday for my blood tests and they told me 3-4 days and I would have results. I gave them until today and heard nothing so I called and left a message. I finally got a call back from his nurse, not him like he said it would be. She told me my tests came back. She said that a few of the hormone tests didn't look good. She told me I needed to be on Vitamin D for 2 months. She told me that my cholesterol was bad so I needed to cut out the FATTY FOODS and LOSE WEIGHT. She told me he wanted to do 2 more blood tests tomorrow morning and he wants to do an Ultrasound next Monday. I asked her what hormone levels were not looking good, she had a hard time explaining them to me and didn't give me any answers. She also didn't tell me what the Ultrasound was for. By the time I got off the phone with her I was even more frustrated than I was before talking with her. I called her back and asked her to have the Doctor call me and explain my results. I really want to know what is going on and she didn't tell me anything. She also was really insensitive about the weight thing. HELLO, the reason I went in was because I AM FAT AND CAN'T LOSE WEIGHT! She should have at least looked at my chart but instead I get told I need to lose weight and cut out the fatty foods.
So now I get to play the waiting game again. I have to wait for my Doctor to call. I have to wait 1 week for tomorrows test results to come back. I have to wait 10 days before my mystery Ultrasound.
I just feel helpless. I feel like I have done all I can do to be healthy but I still am overweight and it is making me so very tired. The weight is stopping me from doing all the things I love to do. I hate waiting for the Doctor to call. I hate feeling like an idiot when I ask the nurse for answers and she just isn't giving them to me.
I am sharing this story with you all, my friends, because I need your support. I need to keep hearing my friends cheer me on because I am affraid I will quit. I am to the point where I don't care anymore and that is not me. I am not a quitter, I don't give up, but I have been fighting this battle for what seems like forever and it is wearing me down. I don't see myself as an overweight person because I work out, I try to eat right and I don't let it stop me from doing the things I love, but it is starting to get to me because all this weight is holding me back. I am getting older and my body is not cooperating with me at all. So please, keep me in your thoughts, keep cheering me on. Keep honking and waving when you see me running my fat butt down the road. I need you friends, much Love!
Thanks for reading,
Jena
I just want you to know that you're not alone. My weight has fluxuated as well the last 5 years. Although, for different reasons; it is frustrating gaining weight, losing it, & gaining it back again. I feel depressed much of the time & sometimes don't feel of worth because of my weight. If you ever want to work out together, I'd be happy to accompany you & cheer you on. I've appreciated your friendship & even your teasings. I look forward to continue our friendship & get to know you better. Living a heatlhy lifestyle is the only way to keep going, although it gets frustrating when that doesn't seem to be working. You're not alone!! Let me know if you ever need to talk about it; we can get away from it all & chat it up :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Aubrey,
ReplyDeleteI too enjoy our friendship very very much. You are such a funny and sweet person.
Thank you so much for your support. I would love to workout together and go out and chat it up sometime!
Love ya friend :)